It’s official. WA isn’t just home to fine athletes, leading scientists, outstanding doctors and mining zillionaires: when it comes to bedroom antics, we’re friskier, bolder and more experimental than those in any other State.

Many of us, it transpires, are just itching to bed our best friend’s partner.

A startling new survey reveals Sandgropers (or should that simply be Gropers) are the most pendulously endowed, body augmented, kinky, adventurous, insatiable, closet bisexual, tattooed gaggle of randy bounders and seductresses in this wide land.

Perhaps it’s something in our dreadful chlorinated tap water, but we top almost every hot and steamy category. The moment visitors cross the state line from the dreary straitlaced lands of our compatriots in the Territory and South Australia, the proverbial spuds start a-boilin’.

Our instructive friends over at redhotpie.com.au conducted the Great Australian Sex Survey of 2011/12. It states that WA is the realm of unfettered sexy beasts who, given the most harmless come-hither, would just love to have their way with you in the most unorthodox fashion.

In fact, we Westerners won the survey hands (or duds?) down, making everyone east of the rabbit proof fence look like 20 million pinched prigs shuffling out of a temperance revival.

Hence, if you’ve a resolute quivering in the loins and are feeling inexplicably toey, don’t fret: Red Hot Pie tells us it is par for the course here on the western edge – as our mojo is rumbling like Krakatoa deep in the Bonds.

So without further bluster, here are the findings:

 

Are Western Australians the sexiest beasts in the land?

 

 

 Census categories topped by Western Australia

 

Highest average penis length: 6.53”

Most content with body image: 21.00%

Most heavily tattooed state: 36.10%

 

 

Highest percentage of…

 

Blondes: 21.80 %

Women with breast enlargements: 4.50%

Men who are unsatisfied with their sex life: 43.50%

Men that fantasise about sex with another man: 26.00%

 

 

People that have had a threesome: 53.90%

People that have experimented with food during sex: 51.20%

People that would shag their friend if the chance arose: 64.00%

People that would shag their friend’s partner if the chance arose: 40.00%

People that like dirty talk during sex: 51.50%

People that enjoy sex in public: 48.70%

People that enjoy pornography: 80.70%

 

Some Western Australians may question the findings.

 

People that have been videotaped having sex: 40.80%

People that have naked pictures of their partner on their phone: 32.60%

People that have naked pictures of ex-partners on their phone: 19.60%

Women that get bored having sex with a regular partner: 41.70%

 

Wild and saucy expectations of a WA threesome

 

People that have found their partner lazy in the bedroom: 55.10%

People that put ‘orgy’ at the top of their sexual bucket list: 18.90%

People that think their relationship would be healthier were it ‘open’: 29.30%

People that have tried online dating: 61.70%

People that have slept with someone they met through online: 51.30%

 

 

Starfish...ballroom dancing.

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